Punk'd Nightmare

I am a control freak. I admit it. There are quite a few things that make me uncomfortable. I do not like un-invited company or people showing up without calling. I have an issue with those un-invited people wandering my yard picking up and relocating my stuff. I really don't like pushy people who ask to come in or ask to use my computer or my shower. One of my pet peeves is people not closing the bathroom door - not when you come out but when you go in! I really don't like people using my personal stuff like makeup or eye drops. Okay, I can be difficult but I have a happy life on the end of a road where nobody can find me. Most of the time. So with all these quirky things about me, there's no surprise that a nightmare would have these issues and more.

I was sitting in the living room going through bags of winter clothes to wash and summer clothes to get rid of. I was being very industrious. I look up and someone is pounding on my front door. At the door is a neighbor. I open the door and she is frantic.
"Please let me come in, they are after me, you have to hide me, I've been running through the woods and had to get away."
She runs inside my house. "Who's after you?"
"The police. My mother called the police and told them I was beating her."
Whoa, whoa, I have a BB gun, a pellet rifle, and an aluminum bat. I'm not fighting off the people pursuing her, especially not the police.
She said "Is that the police? I think I hear the police"
"I don't see anybody but you can't hide here."
She sees me on my phone and says "Don't tell my mother where I am."
I am messaging my sister so the deputies know who to question when they find my body.
"I'm not messaging your mother."
"Who are you messaging?"
"That's none of your business, I wouldn't even know how to reach your mother. We're not friends on Facebook."
"Why aren't you friends with her?" 
I have fallen down the rabbit hole.
She says "I'm sick. I have a fever."
Good grief. "I don't need you around me then."
"Oh, I'm taking antibiotics." yea right.
She is pacing from one end of my house to the other. Screaming at her phone and babbling.
Walks back into where I am now sitting trying to message discretely. "Can I take a cold shower? I got so hot running through the woods. I need a cold shower."
I told her I guess so. I go in there and put out a clean towel and face cloth. She asks me if I can come in there and talk to her while she takes her shower. Thought **** NO but said I have things I need to do. She paces and rants and whines and paces. I asked her is she was going to take a shower or not. She is in her own head and doesn't respond.
"If you are going to take a shower you need to do it cause you need to go."
I am taking a load of winter clothes to the washer and pass the bathroom. She is still talking, asking questions with the door open, sitting naked on the toilet! Lord help me. Okay, now I am freaked out.
"Wow, wow, this is cold. Which handle is the hot water? I turned on one but it was cold."
I promise you, there are only 2 handles to my shower. One is cold therefore the other is hot! Two seconds later she is standing there in a change of clothes using my hairbrush, MY hairbrush. The police are chasing her but she makes sure she leaves with a change of clothes?
"Have you heard from my mother?" 
Make it stop!!!! I go in the bathroom to pick up the towels and the towel and facecloth are still folded up and wet footprints are on the bathroom floor.
"Why can't they just love me for me? Why don't they want me to be happy? Why won't they load my stuff up and take me to Florida? I went off my meds about 3 weeks ago because I couldn't feel things while on them. I have experienced so many feelings since then. It's good to be able to feel things. Do you have any eyedrops?" NO
I'm feeling homicidal. PLEASE make it stop!!
"You need to just sneak back to your place and find a ride to Florida"
"I need to go to the bank."
Me - "Sorry, I'm not leaving the house today."
"I need a hug, can I have a hug? My phone's dead, can I borrow your computer?"
I think about then I was getting delirious. I don't really remember how I got her out of the house. My sleep was messed up for two days with flashbacks of dealing with a meth addict from several years ago.
She messaged me a few days later. "I'm back on my meds and antibiotics. Sorry, I scared you. I'm gone and starting my new life. Love you."  Hallelujah
As I recover, it gets funnier. I just wish this had been a nightmare or an episode of Punk'd instead of my crazy life.